Hi, all.
After numerous delays, here is the next page.
This one was a huge challenge. The actual layout and illustration was relatively easy. The art and layout only took a day or two. But in doing it, I had to face my own stupidity and relive some stuff I've long put behind me.
I'm not that person any more, and revisiting her was anguish. Still, memoir demands honesty, so here we are. My challenge remains the same: show these events honestly without romanticizing or sensationalizing them. I'm not doing violence porn.
When we left off, I had taken a few too many prescription meds, washed them down with liquor, grabbed a knife and headed for the bathroom. What happened next is pretty predictable.
I had drawn this conventionally, using conventional tools. When the art was done, I realized that this page would be more effective reversed out, so Photoshop to the rescue again! I penciled the borders with a straightedge and inked them freehand to get that ragged effect I use from time to time.
The tub panel is a variation on a panel I used in a similar storyline in my old Tranny Towers strip.
Thoughts: the bathtub looks like a coffin. I wasn't overtly aware of that until I worked on this page. Also, since that day, I've preferred showers to baths. It's still hard for me to relax in the tub. I didn't make that connection until this.
Abuse victims are prone to depression and suicide attempts, especially while it's going on. This is not unique to trans people. I contend that our suicide rate is higher, not because we're more unstable (we're not), but because so many people seem to want to make our lives harder, either for "our own good" or for their own venal, perverse amusement. When supported and encouraged to live full lives, trans people tend to thrive. Yes, some of us are messed up, but you could say the same about cis people. That just makes us human. As noted in the "Get A Job" chapter of this book, when I came out to my boss, I was told that they would be watching my work more closely, even though I was the same person doing the same job. Think about that for a minute. When you come out, your relationships, family, home and safety are threatened. Great time to add stress to the job! Thanks, boss!
That approach has improved in a lot of companies and organizations over the ensuing years. The narrative now is, more often than not, "what can we do to help?" Likewise, many families and loved ones are now much more supportive of trans people in their lives. Again, far from everyone, but it's better.
I am grateful that at least some of the world is behaving more humanely about trans issues.
A few years ago, I had the opportunity to volunteer at the Sexual Violence Center. I suppose I still do, but I don't think I'm really strong enough for that. Maybe. Another day. Not to minimize my experience, but compared to some abuse victims, I got off fairly easy. I always want to help, but... well, I still have emotional limits, I suppose.
There's a bit more of this chapter of the story to complete, and some pages from it will be shown at the Minneapolis College of Art & Design's Faculty Biennial exhibition this fall. I'll keep you posted.
Tools for this page:
- Canson Bristol board
- Graphite stick, lead holder with 3B leads, Ticonderoga 2B classic pencil
- China marker/ grease pencil
- Windsor & Newton eraser, kneadable eraser
- Straightedges and T-Squares
- Dr. Martin's Black Star ink
- FW Artist's Acrylic white
- Photoshop
Next: Will I get out of the tub in time? Will I bleed to death as I pass out? Will an ambulance be called? Find out next week.
