Original Art Sundays (Monday) No. 261: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p. 18

I've had this page done for about 6 weeks. Just haven't had time to post.
Here we go.
When we left off, Sara, who our heroine (me) had met at the library, stopped in. During the ensuing conversation, I told her of my weekend with Curt. Sara said she would be ashamed to introduce me to her lesbian friends as her girlfriend.
Read on.

So much to unpack here.
This was one of those moments that we live without thinking about it, and later realize its impact. At this point (early 1990s) there was an even wider division between much of the lesbian community and what served as the trans community than there is now. While the term TERF was not in wide use, the phenomenon was hardly new, dating back in the public consciousness to Janice Raymond's 1979 hate-filled screed The Transsexual Empire. I made myself read that vile thing. I no longer have my copy.
Also, as Sara said this, it touched on my confusion and internalized shame. I had been out about 6 years. I had "the surgery" about a year prior to this. I was in my first serious relationship after becoming myself and I felt like I was supposed to have all the answers, and I knew that I was blowing it. Then the woman I'm interested in tells me her qualms. Really, could I blame her?
This calls for internal dialogue!
To that end, I stole a device from Harvey Pekar. There's an American Splendor story that consists entirely of Harvey talking to himself about a recent failed relationship. In the final exchange, he reflects on the old adage that failure allows for the possibility of growth. Harvey says he's tired of being alone and concludes, "right now, I'd trade growth for happiness." That really stuck with me. I decided that the narrative device he used there was perfect for this page. The silhouette is a clean visual device, but much trickier than one thinks! By reversing the black and white, I was able to get a sense of internal dialogue. I will use this again at key moments in this book, but I don't want to overuse it.
The layout of the first panel also frustrated me. I wanted a primal scream but nothing too big, if that makes any sense. I finally cribbed a pose from the Summertime number in Ralph Bakshi's American Pop, which I still think is the best thing he ever did (with the possible exception of Christmas in Tattertown).
Nothing spectacular about the second panel. It's there to convey a passive attitude, and it does that.
It took three tries to get this page the way I wanted it. It was frustrating, and it took much longer than it should have, but it was ultimately worth it.
Materials used on this page:
Canson 2 ply recycled Bristol board
Lead holder
no. 4 solid lead
Magic Rub eraser
Straightedge
crow quill
Princeton Synthetic Brushes No. 2, 4 and 8
FW Artist's White
tight spot correction brush
Our story takes an embarrassing comedic turn next time.
Next post: Page 19, where things catch up with our heroine a bit.

Original Art Sundays: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p. 16

Finally back.
I won't waste time saying why it took me so long to get this page done. It's unprofessional to kvetch, and nobody wants to hear it (and I don't blame them). Suffice to say it's been a tough couple months, with some days of bliss in the mix. I've been spending creative energy on music and writing, plus a whole slew of sketchbook stuff. I'll post some of that soon. For now, it feels so good to get back to The Work, my graphic memoir, Sharp Invitations.
As always, please keep clicking the "older posts" button at  the bottom of the page for more work, or just hit the "Sharp Invitations" label if you want to check out more of The Work.
When we left our heroine (moi), she was in bed with Curt, who had begun choking her as part of their lovemaking. This came directly on the heels of her meeting a trans lesbian, Sara, with whom she developed an immediate fascination. So much to sort out, and being a meat and potatoes guy, Curt's response was...
Read on.

The usual notes, personal and craft.
Personal: Curt had no clue I was afraid after his hands found my throat. He also had no idea about Sara. For my part, I was running blind, still desperately afraid of my own truth, even after surgery, for reasons I'll spell out in greater detail towards the end of this chapter (anticipated in another 7 pages, but it could run a bit longer in a 4th rewrite).
Craft notes: Minor scanning issues per usual. I will rescan everything upon completion of the book and those issues will be resolved.
Let's speak to timing. The part that hung me up was the first panel of the last tier. I toyed with going all silhouette on its ass, but I don't want to overuse that trick. There are some pages in this book that are nothing but silhouette. My mantra from The Wizard of Oz applies. These things must be done delicately or you hurt the spell.
I'm constantly torn between doing something innovative and ornate and just nuts and bolts layouts. I love ornate layouts, but I'm reminded of a favorite comic book history student who loathed J.H. Williams' work on Batwoman. He said it was so decorated that he couldn't see the story. He had a point. I think this page is a good balance between the two, and advances the story reasonably well. I kept the figures lighter and concentrated the blacks and grays in backgrounds and textures. The linear background on the second tier is a trick I picked from Terry Moore's Strangers In Paradise. I was re-watching Terry's DVD last night, trying to garner some fresh insight, or rekindle old insights. My "big takeaway": just keep doing the work.
Well, duh.
For spotting blacks on the bottom tier, I'm rekindling my fascination with dry brush, something American comic artists have underused historically. I do love the way it shows up in British work, especially from the late 80s. The challenge in dry brush is to get all the texture you want before your meager ink supply dries up.
Tools and supplies on this page:
Canson Recycled Bristol Board, rough finish side used.
Lead holder with #4B lead
#4B solid lead pencil
Miscellaneous straightedges, templates and triangles
Crow Quill and nib
#4 Richeson Snapi round synthetic brush
Tight Spot angled brush for corrections
Dr. Martin's Black Star Walnut Ink
FW Acrylic White
Magic Rub eraser
pretty much the stuff I usually use.
I have a HUGE bottle of Yasumoto Sumi Ink. Perhaps I'll give that a go on a page soon, but I do so love the Walnut Ink.
Next: sketchbook pages, then more memoir.

Original Art Sundays (Wednesday) No. 261: Tranny Towers Complete cover!

Hi folks;
A week off my game, but never mind. I've had this piece stewing on the back burner for a couple months now. After numerous false starts, here we go. Now it can be told.
I am compiling all the Tranny Towers material. I am planning a Kickstarter. The Complete Tranny Towers. The Tranny Towers Omnibus. Or maybe, as it says on the mockup for the Kickstarter campaign page, just Tranny Towers Complete. I will post notice here when the Kickstarter goes live.
While preparing for this, I realized there were problems with the previous cover. It was drawn for a comic collection in black & white, and while the color added later was successful for the most part, the textures I added were awful. Also, the idea of Athena imagining herself and her trans family as sophisticates while they all have pizza and watch movies on TV was too clever by half. It just didn't translate from the image.
I played with ideas for a new cover for some time. Nothing gelled. In frustration, I thought, "how hard can it be to get the band back together?"
There it was.
I began playing with ideas. Since the strip was from the 90s, I went to girl bands I was listening to at that time. Our ladies as The Runaways. Our ladies as Bonnie Raitt and her backing band. Our ladies as the Bangles. That one was pretty close. I toyed with images based on the All Over the Place (still my favorite Bangles album- so raw!) era shots of the Bangles lounging on a couch. Still not quite right.
Once again, Archie saved the day. I found an alternative cover for The Archies no. 1. It was perfect. I lifted the poses and the setting. I haven't added color yet, but when I do, it will be faithful to the original cover, but with the right skin tones for my girls. I had reservations about using Archie comics as reference again. However, in my search for inspiration, I looked at The Art of Jaime Hernandez. Hey, if Love and Rockets pays homage to, and swipes from, Archie, why the heck shouldn't I?
Here it is.

In case people have forgotten who's who, here's a rundown. Relaxing on the floor, writing sheet music: Athena Hunter, MtF post-op trans woman, bi. Behind the couch, drumsticks in hand: Trina, cis lesbian, and partner of Sonia Kertzer, seated on couch with sheet music in hand. Next to her: Dena Statsin, lead guitar, pre-op MtF trans woman, straight. Seated at the end on bass: Dijan LaSalle, cis drag performer, gay male.
No, they're not a band in the original strip. I am going to do a short story in which they become a band for a brief shining moment, both to rationalize the cover and because it sounds like a fun story.
The collection should be about 100 -120 pages, when all is said and done. It will also include related stories from my other work, including the original Ink Tantrums book, attempts at a graphic novels using the characters, and editorial cartoons I did for TransSisters and TNT News magazines.
I'll also be doing paper dolls of each of the five protagonists, and a new story to give a sense of how everyone ended up. It is a soap opera, after all, and my readers never really got closure.
In case you've forgotten, this is the old cover, which was used in black & white as part of a Xeric Grant proposal so many years ago.

There are practical considerations to the new cover. The proportions of the cover may be a tad off. This is intended to serve as a wraparound cover. Ideally, the spine will fall near the edge of the couch. It will be easy enough to extend the right edge with large flat blocks of color to make this happen, if need be. Also, the large black area on the floor can easily be cropped or extended if necessary. Bear in mind that at this stage, we don't know how thick the spine will be! There's also ample air for copy placement on the back cover, and on the front cover near those windows and in the aforementioned black area of the floor.
In short, the piece is designed so I can play with it until it's technically right, if it's not already so.
Materials used:
Canson Recycled Bristol board
Straightedge, triangle and T-square
No. 2B and no. 4B solid graphite sticks
Lead holder and No. 4 lead
Magic Rub eraser
Dr. Martin's Black Star High Carbon Walnut Ink, which I continue to love
3/4" Princeton synthetic brush, flat
No. 4 Escoda Reserva Kolinksy Tamyr brush, flat
No. 4 Princeton Synthetic brush, round
Faber Castell brush tip marker, 80% gray
Crow quill and nib
Tight Spot angled correction brush
FW Acrylic White
I am enjoying the No. 4 brushes a lot. 
I have some reservations about starting a  new project before completing Sharp Invitations. But as I've confided privately to several friends, I relive my pains and stupidities (along with the joys) when doing that work, and it's emotionally draining. It's vital, and I'll keep doing it, but sometimes I need a hiatus. This is a project I can complete in fairly quick order (though I suspect fulfillment will be a nightmare). Also, it's pure joy. I had forgotten how much fun I have drawing the Tranny Towers characters!
Next: back to Sharp Invitations, either the Curt story or a long-promised single page story.

Original Art Sundays No. 260: Sharp Invitations: Linda, middle page

I'm rather proud of this page. I'll tell you about it in a minute, when I'm done crying.
I was all set to do the next page in the Curt saga. But I had some talks with friends, both trans and cis, that took me back to the early days of transition and the end of my marriage. Many of my trans friends have had relationships that survived the process of them becoming themselves. I am happy they are so blessed, and know (suspect) that theirs is not an easy road either. Much as Linda and I loved each other, the kindest thing we could have done for each other when I came out was to part ways.
But it sure didn't seem like it at the time. Not to either of us.
I could not get this out of my head. This had to be the next page I did.

I like writing on this a lot. It hurts like hell, but I think it's solid writing.
It sums up the desperation and bitterness we both felt as our life together careened to its inevitable conclusion.
I honestly don't remember if that song (There Is A War, from Leonard Cohen's third album, New Skin for the Old Ceremony) was playing in reality as she said that, but it certainly echoed in my head and in my heart right then. The irony and bitterness of the line was so precise, so cutting.
"You cannot stand what I've become, you much prefer the gentleman I was before."
Well, yeah.
She did.
Somehow I don't think this is quite what Leonard had in mind, but once you've considered it that way, there's no other way to hear it.
I had betrayed her by being myself, and she betrayed me by being betrayed.
In fairness, while she did say that line, she said it with much more kindness than I've shown here. And she said it in the response to the fatal, desperate question, "how do I look?"
This page does something I've been trying to avoid. It shows me as an adult male. While the reality of that past is inevitable and must be in this book, I don't want to see myself that way, let alone share that with anyone who knows me now. Inevitable as it is, it feels like I'm betraying myself to do these particular pages.
But truth is capricious. It's also elusive. Even in this, I'm going to put myself in the most flattering light possible, even when I'm engaged in the most dishonorable acts, like taking someone's husband away, as I did here.
There's so much more to the story of Linda and me. And dear readers, please don't paint her as a villain from this page. She's a complex and loving person who only did right by me, as you'll learn when the rest of the story is told.
Production notes: backgrounds continue to vex me, but in a very different way. I did a very nice background/environment for this page, but much of the detail was obscured by the placement of the figures. The page could use more heavy blacks, but it serves as is. I wanted to use the layout to show distance between us, even in the same room. I also wanted to show my emotional rigidity at the time. I was just a few months on hormones, and would cry at the drop of a pin (as opposed to my present stoic and stable emotional state, of course). I felt like I had to  be in complete control, and the more things fell apart, the more I felt a failure if I didn't maintain composure.
Tools used on this page:
Photoshop (update 2018)
Canson recycled Bristol  board
Straightedge, triangle, T-square
Alvin flexible S curve
lead holder and No. 4 soft lead
Iyota .06 fine line marker
Dr. Martin's Black Star Walnut India Ink
Crow quill pen
Princeton No. 4 synthetic round brush
Faber Castell 40% gray brush marker
Magic rub erase
Next: either back to the Curt story or a revisiting of Tranny Towers.

Original Art Sundays No. 259: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p. 13

Posting on a Sunday again. That's good. Life remains hectic, but I turned a corner on a couple things in my personal life this week. I won't elaborate here. Suffice to say that some things are more manageable.
When we left our heroine (me) and Sara, I had just spoken my attraction to her.
Read on.

Just the facts, ma'am: That's exactly what she said to me before we kissed.
Sara was not the first trans woman I was interested in, but (not to deride her predecessor), she was the first one that mattered. The previous one was an act of desperation as my marriage was ending and I was feeling unloved and running scared. Was this also desperation as Curt's abuse began to manifest itself? Maybe on some level, but the most important thing to me was my attraction to her. Then and there, nothing else mattered.
To be completely clear, and for the umpteenth time, this is not how Sara looks, nor her proper name.
Technical notes: the inks were fairly cooperative today. When considering the background, I went with angled strokes, a technique I used on a page of A Private Myth years ago. It works to make the figures pop.
The lamp, however, is another story.
The intent was to anchor the setting with an element from the opposite side of the room, 90 degrees off. That way, when you see the lamp on the opposite side, you have a sense of motion and place.
Nice idea, but I don't think it works.
For one thing, while it's technically accurate, the lamp is pretty blah to look at, and adds very little visually. For another thing, it doesn't really communicate space the way I hoped it would. When I was done with it, I thought it was a separate and rather boring drawing that just happened to be on the same board. So I took the lamp out. Here is the result.

I hope you agree that it's better this way. I continue to work on my environments, but the old axiom remains valid. Sometimes less really is more.
I used one of my favorite devices here, making a complete border by dropping out opposite edges. I like that one. It gives a sense of unity, while still allowing plenty of air.
Materials used on this page:
Canson recycled Bristol board
Ellipse templates, triangle, T-square
Dr. Martin's Hi-CArbon Walnut Ink (continue to love this stuff)
Princeton #4 round synthetic brush (also rapidly becoming a favorite)
Crow quill pen and nib
Faber Castell 20% gray brush marker
Magic Rub eraser
Next: either the next page of this story or the long promised new Tranny Towers piece.

Original Art Sundays (Friday): Sharp Invitations: Curt, p.12

We're back to Sharp Invitations.
Got this page done at last! After wrestling with the layout and narrative flow for weeks, dabbling in other projects along the way to keep fresh, I finally got something with which I'm happy.
When we left our heroine (me), she had met Sara just outside the Library. Sara outed herself to Diana, and they agreed to go have a chat.

I kept this clean and did decent, slightly less sparse, backgrounds. It still reads a bit light, as regards heavy blacks for balance, but between Sara's hair and my shirt, I think- hope- there's enough. If I take time for revisions later, I might map some darks on tracing paper, just to see where I can push farther without killing the work.
Layout considerations: the three tier banner layout works fine.  The bottom tier, the open top panel with the abrupt shot reverse shot and jump to a tighter view, connected by my word balloon pointing to both of me- that works if you don't think too much about it. It takes the emphasis away from the album being discussed and puts it on the two of us. the lettering in that last panel is completely free hand- not even ruled guides. I just flew at it.
I wish I still had that particular Procul Harum album. It was a very cool cover indeed.
I'm reconsidering larger flow issues. I'm not sure why Delia's story came first in this large chapter, since I met her second. I may remedy that in the final.
This is exactly the way I remember this talk. I was much more of a jerk about Sara being lesbian, asking some rather asinine questions, mostly because I'd never met a trans lesbian before and didn't know how not to be stupid yet. Also because my attraction to her made me nervous.
My attractions still make me nervous. But I'd like to think I'm more graceful about it by now.
I was surprised to feel that attraction, but even with my being in another relationship at the time, I had no problem giving it voice. As will be shown more fully in the chapter on dating guys, I think that, despite occasional and sometimes powerful attractions, I always knew that wasn't who I really was/am. Sara's line here, "men are scratchy and smell funny" is pretty much my mantra on this topic now, and it's a line I gleefully stole from a Gay Comics Roberta Gregory story.
Again, the real Sara looks very little like this. She always had such incredible musical tastes and experiences. I loved it when our music overlapped. Her taste ran in somewhat different directions than mine. I shan't elaborate on that here.
Material used in this page:
Canson Recycled Bristol Board
Faber Castell brush tip markers
Straightedge, triangle, ellipse templates, Ames lettering guide, Magic Rub eraser
I'm on vacation for a bit, but as it's Inktober in a few days, I hope to be able to post anyway. I'm traveling, and as such, may not have time to do another page before going.
Live in hope, babies.

Original Art Sundays (Friday), no. 255: Sharp Invitations, cover draft and poster

Well, this is rather a bit of cheating in a way.
I got my minor Adobe license issues resolved, and was able to complete the revised version of the alternative (far from final) cover for Sharp Invitations.

Lately, I've been fascinated by David Mack's evocative watercolors. He gets such mood and intensity out of what appear, at first blush, to be random spatters. While I don't have his level of control, I do enjoy testing the waters (so to speak) with this stuff. This was done with Windsor & Newton colored inks, as I believe I mentioned in my previous post. I much prefer them to conventional watercolors- so much more vibrant!
The typography is more dynamic here than on the previous version of the cover. The colors work, but not as consistently as I might like. There are places in this where I'd like the brush strokes to be less prominent. I'm compelled by the profile silhouette, even though the hairline is iffy.
I know, I know. I should take the advice I give my students and not point out flaws in my work.
In general, that's good advice. But if you don't see the flaws in your own work, you won't try to fix them. No need to improve if you think you're already perfect!
I probably won't use this for the cover. But I'm far from completely happy with the previous version. I have a resolution in mind.
But there's more for right now.

As I work on this book, I find myself considering and reconsidering the issue of detail. My work has often had a more stripped down quality, but I revere the detail work that many artists do. Trying to seek a balance on this issue, I remembered Marc Hempel's innovative work (shades of Krigstein!) on the Sandman story-line The Kindly Ones. Sparse and stark, almost crude in spots, it still felt elegant, full and complete.
In re-reading the story to reconsider the art, I chanced on this passage that hit me right in the gut. This blog is just about the only place I haven't talked endlessly about the profound and absolute rejection I got this summer from a woman I liked for years (possibly loved, who can say?), abruptly truncating years of hope. Oh, she was more than decent about it, especially considering that I just dropped my feelings on her out of nowhere, and I was treated with compassion and with great respect.
Still.
I was so proud of me! I had finally and completely resolved my weepy school girl feelings. I was actually becoming a grown-up about it, very sophisticated. Then I read this, and it was right back to primal scream tears.
In a few lines, Neil Gaiman has summed up the inevitable, dreadful and devastating nature of this experience. I'd like to think that as a lesbian trans woman, I have a special brand of this stuff. But no. Love is love and pain is pain. While nobody may know exactly how I feel, everybody knows how I feel.
Inspiration struck. I added Neil's thoughts on the subject to this image. I left out Neil's last line, "I hate love". I hope he'll forgive my chopping his words, but I don't hate love. I just wish it would pop in a bit more often.
This adaptation of Neil's ideas works. It's not perfect, but then, what is?
Next: back to Sharp Invitations, the story proper.

Original Art Sundays No. 253: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p. 11

Before we begin, one of my Windsor Newton Red Sable brushes died during completion of this page. We will now observe a moment of silence.
...
Ahem.
After a couple weeks of false starts (one due to exhaustion following completion of teaching my Graphic Memoir course, the other due to a mercifully brief but intense bout of immobilizing depression), we're back with the next page. It's been a long time since I've missed a week, and two in row really grates on me! I'm planning a trip for October, and will work ahead to be sure I don't miss a week!
This is the seventh page of story culled from the two lines of text on the rough draft page. When this chapter is done, I'll post the whole story with that draft page in relation to it, just to make the point of how much story was left out of the draft edition.
This poses a daunting aspect in the telling of the story. As Alan Moore said about Miracleman, the story is growing in the telling. That's good in the sense that it's a better story if fully told, provided it's judiciously edited. However, it's frustrating in terms of the time it's taking to tell the story. My self-imposed completion deadline of the end of November does not seem plausible right now, and I am eager to complete this. I have a couple other projects I'd like to get going on, and I am reluctant to undertake them before completing at least a more fleshed out (so to speak) edition of this one. Besides- hey, it's my magnum opus and all that.
When we left our heroine (me), she had just married Delia without knowing it. Now we jump back a couple months, still within the time frame of the chapter on Curt.
Read on:

Story: unlike the woman that served as the basis for Delia, I AM still in contact with the real Sara. She remains a good and trusted friend, all these years later. I've changed her name and altered her appearance as she requested. If she wants to out herself as this character, she is of course free to do so. No pressure either way, my dear.
This is pretty much the way it happened. She ran after me out of the Library, outed herself and asked me to follow suit, then we started talking. Pretty gutsy, lady!
My outfit was easy. I was wearing the short denim skirt that was required at the time (as was she), and a black top that I still have!
Technical aspects:The challenging part of the backgrounds on this page was finding accurate reference for the OLD downtown Library, with that odd sculpture in front of it! I had to do the checkout station from memory, As with many libraries, checkout in the Hennepin County system is automated now, so no more checkout clerks!
My backgrounds remain a blend of loose and sketchy and technically accurate. For a while, when I was working on A Private Myth (another project yet to see completion in comic form, though the script is done), I had evolved a trick of penciling tight backgrounds, then inking them in free hand to keep the feel consistent with the art. That works on backgrounds, but not as well. In general, I'm being more aware of the background/environment as a story device. It's crucial, and I'm improving at using it effectively.
So many pages to rescan. This business of scanning in tiers and matching up the halves is tedious at best.
I really like the old trick of using continuous background with dynamic characters as a way of advancing time, used here in panels two and three. The second tier is tied together by the old Terry Moore trick of an arc of black as a weight/background element. Also, we move in from 3/4 shot to cowboy shot to medium close up. Once I got over my usual intial inhibitions about inking, I had real fun doing her hair and my top.
Materials used on this page:
Canson XL recycled 96 pound Bristol
Graphite holder with #2 and #4 leads
#0, #2 and #4 Synthetic and Sable Brushes
Crowquill nib and handle
Dr. Martin's High Carbon India Ink (this stuff is great!)
FW Acrylic White
Magic Rub eraser
And a plain old ballpoint pen for touch-ups!
Next: more Sara, as the Curt story continues

Original Art Sundays No. 252: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p. 10

Welcome back!
I feel like I did back when I was drawing Tranny Towers on deadline. There's an energy to this I've not felt for some time. My art is flowing, and while it may not be as self-consciously inventive as it was on those strips, I'm pretty happy with the way it's turning out.
This memoir stuff poses some unusual challenges. As I noted to friends on Facebook, here I am tasked with drawing my own butt as I remember it from more than 20 years ago.
Some doors should not be opened.
But it looks like it turned out all right.
Ahem.
When last we left our heroines, me and Delia, she had awakened in my bed, screamed, slapped herself and went back to sleep. I was left sitting up in bed, nonplussed to say the least.
Read on.

Much to like here, I think. I've used the local color/texture of the wall to give the top tier a bit more weight. I wanted to keep the figures light on this one.
The hand fasting image turned out fairly well. I suppose I could have put a pattern on the ribbon she used, but the truth is, it was just a plain ribbon- pink, I think.
While I'm reluctant to overuse silhouette (after all, it's only been a couple pages back that we had a whole page done in that), I think it works and it's necessary here.
Real life notes: this happened. Delia sprung this on me with no warning, just lightly tossed the ribbon over both our hands. There was no official knot, which is part of many such ceremonies. She later laughed about it and said it was just some dumb thing she did on a whim. But she was a pagan who took her faith seriously, so I think that was just a cynical front. I think that in her eyes, however briefly, she and I were married.
I did attend her wedding to her boyfriend, the one she was living with while we were, ahem, keeping company, some years later. As far as I know they're still together. They live on the West Coast now.
She really did say the classic line from the pagan ceremony, "death does not part, only lack of love", but she said it during a later phone conversation.
Further technical notes: the world balloon in the first panel didn't behave. Also, I wasn't paying attention and ruled the panel borders on the right edge clear out to the cut line of the Bristol! Luckily, I caught it in time to fix it.
Doing the "squint test", I think the white highlights inside the silhouette of the last panel may not have been necessary, but by the same token, I don't think they do any real harm. Perhaps the hand fasting and the panel below it could have used a bit more weight, but I think they serve as they are.
Looking at past strips, I have a mountain of reworks to consider if I want this book to have integrity. So many decisions. Well, make them one at a time, and review before committing to a final version.
So there you have it. Without meaning to, I had a lesbian wedding in the 90s. Sort of. While I was seeing another woman, and seeing Curt. I guess that doesn't really count. But in the moment, it sure felt like it did.
I hope she's doing okay.
Materials used on this page:
Canson XL Recycled Bristol Board, 96 lb.
#4 soft lead in lead holder
.03, .05 and .08 tech markers
#0 and #2 synthetic brushes
Crow quill nib and holder
FW Acrylic Artist's White
Dr. Martin's Black Star High Carbon India Ink (love this stuff!)
Magic Rub Eraser
And of course, Photoshop, but very little.
Next: a quick gag page, and the first page of the next facet of the Curt chapter.

Original Art Sundays (Monday) No. 251: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p.9

Technically after midnight, so no longer Sunday. Still close enough to on schedule that I count this as A Good Week.
I had a setback in my personal life this week. However, it only slowed down my comic work for a day or two.
I'm grateful for that, as I feel like I'm hitting a stride. I tossed that bottle of gummy ink! I may get ambitious and rework last week's page. I'd also like to go back a couple weeks and redo the first panel of the page set in Loring Park. Looking at it now, that's pretty bad and would not be that hard to fix.
Reading over these last few pages, I notice there's not a lot of transgender stuff in this part of the story. It's an overarching theme, to be sure. But if every page were about that, it would be boring. I went to the symphony with a pal on Friday, another trans woman. She asked me outright, "can we not talk about trans stuff tonight?" I was fine with that. It's part of who we are, not all of it.
In last week's episode, we saw our heroines comforting each other, taking solace from their respective pain. Of course, it didn't hurt that we were both horny as hoot owls.
And we drifted away to sleep.
Read on.

This is exactly the way this happened. No hedging on this page.
I like the way this page came together visually. Clean lines, good energy. There's almost no variation of panel position relative to the viewer on this page. We zoom in and out slightly, but it's pretty much the same shot in every panel. I'm using the old trick of leaving a white outline around figures and backgrounds/environments surrounded by large areas of heavy black.
The faces are a bit looser/ more cartoony than I usually like to use for more serious work. I tried not to overthink it, to just draw it as seemed natural.
I love detailed art, but my work lends itself to simpler lines most of the time. I have a lot of similar paradoxes in my life. My hair looks better short, but I like it better long, for example. Play the cards you're dealt, baby.
By accident, I started using a scumbling brush for filling, and found it perfect for the "slap lines" on panel three- turns it out it was ideal for dry brush, which I already knew but had forgotten.
Not using word balloons on panel four was a conscious choice. I wanted her (my) questions to be floating in the air, as ambiguous as the situation. Again, hand lettering here.
It was a hell of a thing to sit up in bed like that, shaken and worried, as she quickly and easily fell back asleep.
In terms of environments on this page, I let the bed and the dresser (with its omnipresent lamp) do the job. The dresser is present in the first and last panels, to anchor the page visually in the so-called "real world". These are also the only panels in which Delia is sleeping.
The real Delia later spend some time volunteering for the Center for Victims of Torture. Rather brave and quite healing, I think.
Materials this page:
Canson Recycled Bristol
Soft lead and lead holder
.05 and .08 tech markers
Ames Lettering guide
Faber Castell Brush Tip Markers, large and small
Dr. Martin's Hi-Carbon Waterproof Black Star India Ink (yay, love this stuff!)
#0, 2, 4, and 10 Richeson Synthetic brushes
Crow Quill Pen
Magic Rub Eraser
Next: last page of the Delia sequence, though she shows up again at the end of the Curt story.

Original Art Sundays, no. 250: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p.8

After midnight by two minutes, so technically Sunday. I have a very full day coming up, so thought I would post earlier rather than later.
When last we saw Delia and me, she had frozen over having her face touched.
Read on.

Silhouette. Yeah.
That's the way to go with this one.
I was inspired by a sex scene from Don McGregor and Marshall Rogers' Detectives Inc., which showed the couple in silhouette. It was a difficult sex scene in a darkened bedroom, and Rogers rendered fully realized backgrounds. For him, for that page, the right choice. For me, here, no.
Silhouette has two primary purposes here. It's universal, the shapes are relatable to most people. Also, the silhouette was prominently used in eras we now think of as rather placid and quaint, which makes their use to communicate such painful events rather jarring.
This page is also text  heavy, violating the axiom of "show, don't tell". This is of necessity, if I'm to continue to respect Delia's privacy. The stuff she went through was pretty bad, and as I've said in the past, it was HER stuff, not mine to tell. I'll tell that it happened, but not what it was. I hope that's not a cop-out, as we used to say.
I also wanted to communicate a bit more of Curt's rage. The drawing here is deliberately crude. The figures in the silhouette on the second tier are intended to communicate that ferocious energy, the stuff that started to really scare me.
Yeah, what I was doing then was dishonest and hypocritical. I'm not going to try to excuse that. I just want to fully communicate everything relevant that was happening then.  The events and conversations alluded to on this page are a condensation of several of my nights with her, but the core actions, along with those on the next page, did all happen in one night. As before, I suspect the real Delia would find my memory and interpretation of these events laughable.
I chose to hand letter here, knowing it would be uneven. As long as it's legible, the slightly jarring quality contributes to the disorientation I'm trying to communicate.
Materials for this page:
Canson Recycled Bristol
#4 lead and lead holder
Ames lettering guide!
Pro 4100 India Ink. I swear I'm throwing this bottle away. Even working in large flat areas, this was like painting with gum.
Synthetic brushes, #2, #4 and #2 scrub brush
Staedler tech markers, 0.5 and 0.8
Magic Rub erasers.
Next: we conclude (for now) the Delia interlude in the Curt story.

Original Art Sundays No. 249: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p.7

The next page is done, so here we go.
When last we left our heroine (me), she was happily surprised to find that Delia had told her boyfriend she was spending the night with her.
Read on.

Much I like here, a few things I don't. There's enough background/environment to give a sense of place, but not so much as to detract from the action. Just a hint of a dresser and a lamp (which I still have but now sits on my desk) to give a sense of place. I did some preliminaries in which my usual dresser top clutter was included, but decided it was too much of a distraction. This page is about one thing, and the dresser ain't it.
The layout is simple. Two panels without dividers, split by shift in viewpoint and in action, implying closely timed moments. I'm using the old trick of dropping borders to slow action, but using a partial overall border to contain and define the area.
I thought a lot about how raw to make the sex scene. I shied away from showing The Act, partially out of my own modesty (which will be blasted out of the water in upcoming pages anyway), and partially out of respect for Delia. If the real Delia is reading this, she's probably howling with laughter at that. Then again, maybe not. She always could surprise me.
I stole a bit of a Frank Miller trick in the first panel. In his image for the Images of Omaha collection, Miller used cast shadows on the bedding to define the form beneath. I could have pushed it further, but my art tends to be of the less is more school, and I'm good with where it ended up. The shadow creeping on the wall from the lamp still needs a bit of clarity- possibly I'll just use Photoshop, since everything else on the page is working very well.
After much consternation, I elected to completely remove the dark background on the two-shot in the bottom tier to concentrate on us girls.
Delia's comment was very telling. In the next page, I'll tell a bit more of her story, but not much, because it is HER story. While she once laughingly told me she'd share her story with anybody, that's her choice, not mine. Here, you get just enough that it helps define our relationship.
Again electing to work in ink rather than pencil. Curt's story (of which this is still part) will be told in pencils, inks, and photography. I just hope the bouncing between media doesn't detract from the flow.
Materials used on this page:
Canson XL Recycled Bristol.
#4 and #2 lead and lead holders
Magic Rub eraser
Pro-4100 India Ink. This stuff clogs my crow quill nibs like crazy, but it's great for brush work.
#1 Sable brush and #4 synthetic brush
Ames Lettering Guide (yes, really), 0.3, 0.5 and 0.7 tech markers
Ellipse template
I'm emotionally raw today, as I prepare for a new class I'm teaching starting Wednesday night and am writing a very emotional postscript to the current work, possibly the most honest part of the whole book. Still, it feels good to stay on self-imposed schedule with this.
Next: more of Delia by way of Curt's story.

Original Art Sundays No. 248: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p. 6

Posting a day late. I anticipated being tired from Pride and completed this week's page in advance, but I didn't reckon with just HOW tired I'd be, so failed to post last night!
When last we encountered our heroine (me), she had met a charming and buxom young (and I do mean YOUNG) woman with a guitar in the Loring Park. Their hands touched.
This page has little overt trans content, beyond my presence, but is important in other ways. The event is the beginning of my re-asserting the bisexual/lesbian part of myself. I thought that, as a woman, that might and might not be part of who I was, and this part was the same scared little rabbit I was before coming out as trans.
It's amazing how many things we can hide when we're trying to be honest.
Read on.

 What I like about this page: the pacing and layout are right. Initially I had reservations about the sliced angled panels, but it struck me as a way to slow the moment down while maintaining the tension between the principals.
The line of music, loosely rendered, is an ersatz version of the melody to Holly Near's classic song How Bold. This is a song that I would play while dancing and exercising alone, while I lived with Curt, when I thought of Delia.
The trembling tails of the word balloons echo the tone of the moment- soft and eager, yet afraid the whole thing would fall apart at any moment.
It's worth noting that if Delia is reading this, she's probably howling with laughter. She's much more self-assured than this implies, and has such a fericously independent streak that she would NEVER say she belonged to anybody, as is implied in her last line here. But it's verbal shorthand for a very long, elaborate conversation we had that day.
What I don't like about this page: the backgrounds/environments are better, but still need work. The candle on the mantle gave me an excuse to stipple a bit, always fun. The backgrounds disappear in the second and third panels, replaced by a large grounding area of black. This is a little bit of a cop-out, but not much. In that moment, everything did fall away except the two of us, at least as I experienced it.
Also Delia's facial expression in panel two and mine in panel three are a bit wanting. I find drawing left face profiles very challenging. Judging from the few I've seen in comics in my research, I'm not alone in this.
We're coming up on a big scene in the next page. I've been stalling on it a bit, but the core of this work is honesty first, cutting myself slack second, so we'll jump in.
Net seven, as they say in the business world!

Original Art Sundays No. 247: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p.5

Beginning the post before midnight, so technically still a Sunday post!
I had a devil of a time resolving this page/section of the narrative. In the draft version, two major people enter my life and the relationship with Curt takes an unnerving turn, all on one page.
The more I looked at it, the more I realized that I was trying to rush through/gloss over one of the more awkward spots in my life, either before or after transition. That one page will now be four, possibly five pages. Given the scope of the events covered, that still may not be enough. The important thing is to let the story breathe, without bogging it down in tedium or omitting crucial information.
Here's the revised version of this page.
I'll post the original draft after I've completed this segment.

I'm also trying to get away from telling and getting back to showing. No flashback narrative on this page!
This page reverts to inks. I'm a bit rusty, and my inks were gummy, making use of a crowquill almost impossible, but it's a poor workwoman that blames her tools. I may redo this page yet again. I don't mind the rough, raw feel of the rendering of Loring Park in the first panel, but the building, shot straight on like that, looks rather flat.
I've changed the name and the appearance of the woman I met in the park that day, as I've not been in contact with her. I've been trying to let people know when they are included in the book. If I can't contact them, as is the case here, I'll make them anonymous, while holding on to the events in question.
Also hand lettering this page! With this sparse text, it seemed superfluous to letter digitally.
I will review the work when this chapter is complete, to see if it flows with the jump from pencil to ink. As alluded to in a previous post, the last page of this story has another jump in style, so I suspect it will be okay.
The poses in panel two are consistent with the idea that characters' positions should do at least as much to convey story as dialogue.
I debated the merits of throwing in a background texture on panel 3 and decided against it. Backgrounds/environments remain a tentative area in my work. But I like the rendering of the figures in panel 3. Just enough dry brush to make it interesting, and a good variation of line weight.
The last panel just fell into place. Once I realized I was concentrating on the hands touching (which, believe me, was a very potent moment!), the silhouette became the way to go. I do so love a good silhouette.
I'm working through detailing my past stupidity.
Understand me on this one. I don't think I was stupid to be with her, or to commit any of the actions that follow in this story. My stupidity is the same here as it is in most of my stories. If I had just been honest from the outset, I would have saved myself so much trouble!
But in order to be honest with somebody else, you have to be so to yourself first. And at that point, I wasn't there yet.
Next: page 6 of the expanded Curt story.

Original Art Sundays (Monday) No. 243: Athena's wine (Tranny Towers!)

April 20 is the anniversary of my surgery. I try to find some small way to celebrate every year, however quietly. This year, I was working.
I used the tools on hand to do a sketch on break, in the wee hours (I'm usually pretty much caught up with my duties between 4:30 and 5:30 AM, though I do make rounds regularly even then). All that was on hand was a no. 2 pencil with a dull lead, ballpoint pens, and printer paper.
Inspired by the recent positive reaction to my work at the Queers and Comics conference, I decided to revisit Tranny Towers. I did a quick sketch of my main character from the strip, Athena.
There were a couple things that weren't quite working. I let it be for week and came back to put some finishes on it. Going in with brush tip marker, Pro Art India ink and a no. 4 synthetic brush, I corrected a few things, and did a bit of clean-up.

Some of the sketchy ballpoint lines irritate me, but they provide enough character that I can live with them.
Originally, I had rendered the night stand on which she was resting her hand at an odd angle, almost an isometric drawing. Between that and having originally set her left leg way out and at an equally odd angle, it appeared our dear Athena was not on her first glass of wine!
The wine glass, still not the best rendering I've ever done of an object, is miles above the original sketch.
Athena's figure works for me. I've always seen her as having more full/real world proportions. I know many trans folk who thrive in the high glamor look. I did that for a while and I liked it, but it just wasn't me. As Athena is the character from the original strip who I always considered my closest parallel, it makes sense that her look should follow suit, although her hair has always been nicer than mine!
It does feel good to get back to Tranny Towers. The strip had some problems, I suppose, but I was so bold and excited doing that work, right up to the end. I took a lot of chances in the work, and most of them paid off.
Next: back to Sharp Invitations. At last.

Original Art Sundays (Thursday) No. 239: Sharp Invitations: Theresa's Zen Riddle

Posting again to atone for my sins in neglecting to do so for so long!
Just finished another of those quick pages! As you may or may not recall, these are designed to do a few things:

• Get my creative juices flowing when I'm stuck
• Use as few tools as possible (usually a pencil and marker or pen on regular printer paper)
• Work as fast as possible, and don't edit the result
• Ease the tension in the story, since this story is pretty unrelenting (at least from my perspective).
• Time spent on this page: about 20 minutes, as it should be.

To those ends, this snippet goes before the chapter titled The Second Sharp Invitation, previously posted. Since that chapter opens with a talk with my sister Theresa (who prefers to be called Terry now), that seems a good place for this one. Also, it's nice to have a page that isn't about trans issues. They're important and the focus of the book, but that's not all there is to my (or any) life.
And now, another great childhood moment!

I've had this one in the back of my head for a while. I left out the following bit when we both broke out laughing right after she said that!
This is the third of these comic interlude pages. I don't think I'll do one for every chapter - that would be tedious- but where necessary, they'll show up.
I'm alternating between working on the scripted roughs for Daddy's Song and working up more finals for the Curt chapter. Since she's coming to visit this weekend, I'd like to get a start on scripted roughs for the chapter on Jenny soon too.
Next: some of the above...

Original Art Sundays (Tuesday) No. 238: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p. 2

Taking this week off work to complete more of the graphic memoir and prepare for the upcoming MCAD faculty art show. Gotta love Paid Time Off- what a concept!
In light of that, I finally scanned the most recent page, which has been done for a while now. This page was included in (very) rough version in the printing of the first draft in May.

I'm pretty happy with this. Since the first page of this story is a pencil page, I let that serve as the template for the whole story.
The scan came out very well. As I've discussed in the past, the issue with scanning pencils is getting decent dark areas without picking up unwelcome artifacts. If you push your black point too far, the scanner does indeed darken the pencils, but it also picks up every invisible smudge on the page!
Lettering in Photoshop, using Comic craft's Clean Cut Kid, my favorite typeface for comic book body copy. Still using their Zap word balloons too. The shapes are a bit limited, but sufficient for my immediate purposes. If necessary, I'll do some digging and find a greater variety. I can always hand-render too. While this is working reasonably well, I take the comments of my friend Kim Matthews very seriously, and she contends that tightly rendered type is out of place on my looser art. However, since this is a more finished version of the page, I think it serves well, or at least better.
This part of the story is emotionally challenging, in some ways more than the rest. When I screwed up something in my life before I came out, I could always rationalize that it was because I wasn't being my "authentic self", whatever that is. But after coming out, you don't have that excuse, or at least you think you're not supposed to. But as will be discussed later in the book, there's more than one step, however big that step may be, in becoming authentic.
Just for comparison, here's the original rough for this page.

Layout was loosened up a bit, and the addition of the ticket booth gives the page a bit more depth. I think the kiss works in both, but the final version is much clearer. It also shows that despite people somehow seeing him as physically small, Curt was just over 6' tall and had decent musculature!
In preparation for the show, I'm adding a few (ideally all the rest, but that may be overly ambitious within the time frame) chapters to the book. Those will probably be in fairly rough form, akin to what is presented here screen right. I've been thinking about publishers, but it's premature to talk about that in depth.
My reading has turned back to queer comics. I just got my Kickstarter of the Alphabet anthology from Prism, and am enjoying it a great deal. Such works inspire me to be a larger part of that world again. I've felt damned by faint praise from the queer comics community, whatever that is, and would like to be a more accepted part of it. I hope this work serves that end, as well as the larger end of getting the story out there.
Next: more Sharp Invitations, sooner than later.

Original Art Sundays No. 237: Estrogen and Dental Hygiene

Back after a couple weeks of regrouping.

This is NOT the next page of the Curt story, but a one-pager that comes a bit earlier in Sharp Invitations. I'm almost done with the next continuity page, but I'm tired of keeping people waiting, so here's a nice little bit. In light of today's news from Florida, I suspect we could all use a lighter moment, anyway.

This was a fun day. After the unexpected discovery that I had real boobs (but still not quite to size!), I spent several days smiling at everyone! I've talked in confidence with some - what's the right term now? women-born women? Natural girls? I called them "real tuna" once and invoked the ire of a good friend- anyway, she told me that she had a similar moment at about 11 years old.

Tools: printer paper, #2 pencil, ballpoint pen and eraser. This was another of those quick pages I dashed out to keep momentum. I need to do more of these, both for the content and to keep motivated.

Next: More Curt.

Original Art Sundays (Tuesday) No. 236: The Last Sharp Invitiation (Curt), p. 1

A bit late posting this week, due to exhaustion. But we are back in the saddle again!
I've decided to jump to one of the last stories in the book and then double back to the rest. This is a very important story (not that the rest aren't), and I want to develop it farther than it made it in the rough draft.

This page should set the tone for this story. I happened on this piece in an old sketchbook, and immediately realized that it was the perfect splash for this story.
This story brings many of the problems encountered by some (certainly not all) trans women in relationship into focus. The key, as you'll see as the story evolves, is self-worth, deciding we deserve decent love.
This page is rendered in pencil, with minimal clean-up. In talking with my comic teaching peer Dr. Ursula Murray Husted at SpringCon last week, I was pleasantly surprised at how much she liked my tighter pencil pages. While my inking skills are constantly improving (and more so when I work on a regular schedule!), I've always obtained great satisfaction from good tight pencils, or as in the original Sharp Invitation story, pencils with Conte' crayon. The problem is that I like working on Bristol board, and it lacks sufficient tooth to get the textures I like in resolved pencils. As such, I suspect the final version of this story will be a pastiche of pencils and inks. The very last page of it will be a B & W photograph- good old 35MM film!
The gentleness of this image serves as marked contrast to what follows, and is typical of my idealizing people with whom I'm in relationship (nobody else does that, right?).
My summer schedule being lighter, I have more time to develop this work before my next deadline, the fall faculty show. I'm wrestling with doing a more complete printed version for that show as well. Since I'm lettering digitally, I also have to resolve some presentation issues. Possibilities include originals presented next to printed pages, or printing original-sized copies and posting those. There's something disingenuous about posting printouts in shows, though I did it at Intermedia Arts and nobody said boo.
Another issue that came up in printing the draft version was that the images fit to the InDesign pages were VERY tight to the border! I'll have to tweak that before going back to press, even for a short run of one or two.
But the immediate goal remains a more realized version of this story. I also have another of those one-page quickies in the hopper, one I just thought of earlier today.
Next: more Curt.

Original Art Sundays No. 235: The Next Sharp Invitation, p. 7

The books are printed, the grant is submitted. Funds reimbursement expected soon.
Until then, the work goes on, as we know it should.
I solicited feedback from some folks at Spring Con this weekend, and am waiting for their responses.
The last page of the current story:

I'm very satisfied with this page.
I could have gone nuts rendering the angelic figure in Panel Two, but sometimes simple is better.
There are almost no backgrounds on this whole page. For the most part, that's the way I wanted this one. I was keen for the sense of floating- first being held aloft by the twine, then feeling free in the dress.
I find the freehand borders here particularly effective.
In upcoming stories, I have an even higher emotional content. This is problematic. It's a balancing act between the integrity of the work and how much the reader can, or chooses to, take. How responsible is the creator for the reader's reactions? It's easy to say one has no culpability. But we try for responses to our work. Who's to blame if we succeed?
No easy answers here. As my sister Pat once told me, I don't have the answers, but I'm starting to learn the questions.
The printed version of the work to date jumps over a BIG part of my life, going from this period to adulthood. Those stories will be completed in some form by the time of the faculty art show in the fall, in which parts of this work will be exhibited.
Next: a new Sharp Invitations story.
As promised, I am re-posting the whole story below.