Original Art Sundays No. 374: Sharp Invitations: Esther's Hands, Interlude conclusion

 Back from Autoptic! That was quite a success in my book. I talked to many old friends, made some new ones and had decent sales. I'm already deep into prep for the new semester, but I still had time to work on some pages from the book.

I posted the concluding page of the Cemetery Interlude before, but I have a better scan of it, so am re-posting it, along with another single page interlude.

I've previously posted thoughts on the graveyard to college page. 

Thoughts on the new page: deliberately light to no backgrounds. This is a moment between Mother and me. In that moment, everything else slipped away. 

Tools used on this page:

• Papers: tracing paper, various sketchbooks, Canson Bristol board
  
• Pencils: Lyra 2B graphite stick, 4B lead and holder, 2B Ticonderoga classic, tech pencil and 4B lead
  
• Erasers: kneadable, vinyl eraser, Click eraser
• Hand Tools: 6" and 14" straightedge, triangle, T-square
• Inking tools: Tight Spot correction brush, Holbein white gouache
  
• Markers: Copic 0.25, 0.3, 0.8, 1.0, Faber Castell brush, LePen brush, Copic Brush and Micron small brush
  
• And of course, Photoshop

 

The next three or four pages will conclude this chapter. I need to confer with family on a couple points as we approach the end.

Original Art Sundays (Tuesday) no. 372: Final Tranny Towers collection cover

 Another piece related to Autoptic '24.

As I've mentioned here in the past, I had some reservations about collecting my old Tranny Towers strips, largely because I thought the title might give offense. My Comic History students last semester encouraged me to give it a go.

I have collected all the strips, with a few extras, and am offering them publicly for the first time this coming Saturday. This is not the "Omnibus" collection. For that, I need to collect related works from other publications and create some new work to finalize the storyline. But it is all the strips, plus a few cool extras.

In reviewing the material, I was reminded of those times, and of how much I really had to say. While my craft was still maturing, my creativity was ablaze in these strips! My awareness of trans issues of the time was evident in these strips. It was a great time, and I hope that comes across in the work.

Some time ago, I did a new cover, based on the concept of "getting the band back together." I finished adding color to it, and here we go!

I hope this wraparound cover makes you as happy as it does me. Hope to see you Saturday!

Original Art Sundays No. 377: Sharp Invitiations: Esther's Hands, Interlude, page 1

 Hi again!

This is a short interlude. I almost left this out, but my girlfriend said it was an engaging story. On review, I decided it belonged in The Book.

As always, notes on content and process follow.

Read on.

The title alludes to the focus of this little story, planned to run four pages. While it doesn't deal with trans stuff directly, it says a lot about Mother and shows something of where I was at just after high school: aimless, drifting. The three of us- John, Stu and me. Sigh. There's a book in that too, but some stories deserve privacy.

I wince a bit at drawing myself pre-transition. It's sometimes necessary for the story, but... brr. I was downright scrawny in my post high school years, and I've tried to show that here,

Stylistically, I'm paying loose homage to my man Vaughn Bodé in this story. This is a tremendous opportunity to play with borders like he did. I love the use of ground elements -foreground, midground and background - to define panel borders. It works better in color, but it's an effective tool here too.

I'm just going to get the key moments of my relationship with Mother, especially those related to trans stuff, down, then reorder the story.

Foregoing equipment list on this one.

Next: arrival and an unwelcome turn of events.

Original Art Sundays No. 376: Sharp Invitations: Esther's Hands, p. 14

Well, we're back! It's been hectic, but I have a couple new pages to post. I've had this done for a couple weeks, but there's finally time to post!

First, the next page of Esther's Hands.

Story notes: for most of this chapter, the story is random memories of Mother, mostly related to trans stuff, since that's the main focus of the book. Some other material finds its way in. I suspect I will reorder these pages before going to press. As for the memories, don't we all remember people by random events? Some little thing happens that reminds one of something, which reminds us of...

This moment was quite stirring for me. It was one of those times when you realize that you can always learn from your Mother. I was in my mid 40s and was sure I knew everything.

Craft notes: Kept this one simple. The constant challenge of keeping dialogue heavy pages visually interesting applies here. The personal issue is that the living room looks quite sparse in contrast to its true cluttered/chaotic status. A conscious choice to edit reality for the sake of the narrative. I like the way Mother is drawn in panel 3. Just a few well place lines show so much age. I opted for fabric textures and graphite on clothing to give the page weight. 

Not doing an equipment list on this one. Pretty standard, much like previous lists. Page turned out pretty clean, so minimal Photoshop was used, mostly levels and curves to get the light/dark balance down.

Next: a strange interlude.

Original Art Sundays no. 374: Sharp Invitations: Esther's Hands, p. 14

Back with the next page of my graphic memoir.

Trans stuff comes and goes in this chapter. Mother had accepted me as her daughter, even if I didn't always behave as she might have liked. But what about her?

 This was a tricky page from a narrative standpoint. Static storyline, just one or two old ladies sitting around in a cluttered house. I broke out some new Copic markers that I rather like, and used some Faber Castell gray markers on some of the values, along with the pencils.

Drawing clutter is tricky. How does one render chaos in a believable way? I worked from memory and the scant photo reference I had on hand. The solution is to include some plausible objects that are out of context. The image in Panel 5 is a reasonably accurate approximation of the house. In a page or two, I'll be drawing part of the kitchen. That will be a challenge!

The idea of Mother fading away as her life became more - let's say sequestered by choice and design - was the impetus for panels two, four and six. It's very close to my original vision for this page. I have to remind myself of my aphorism for my students. You never get 100% of your vision into the work, but sometimes you close in on it.

Tools used on this page:

• Papers: tracing paper, various sketchbooks, Canson Bristol board
  
• Pencils: Lyra 2B graphite stick, 4B lead and holder, 2B Ticonderoga classic, tech pencil and 4B lead
  
• Erasers: kneadable, vinyl eraser, Click eraser
• Hand Tools: 6" and 14" straightedge, triangle, T-square, French curves
• Inking tools: Dr.Martin's Black Magic ink, nib and holder, Princeton Deerfoot 1/4" mini detailer brush (can't get enough of this brush!), Kingart 8 Gold Synthetic
  
• Markers: Copic 0.25, 0.3, 0.8, 1.0, Faber Castell gray brush, Copic Brush and Micron small brush
  
• And of course, Photoshop

Next: Mother puts up with me. Not always an easy feat!
 

Original Art Sundays No. 370: Sharp Invitations: Esther's Hands, p. 12

 Another quick episode this week.

 

 Another quick gag strip. I like doing these for previously mentioned reasons. They break narrative tension, they inject a little joy into the story, and they're quick and fun to draw. In this case, it's a throwaway moment that implies a lot more. It alludes to the "pink cloud", the freedom to be yourself after having been closeted way too long. In this case, that reflects in exploring, ahem, intimate possibilities. In this case, it also touches on Mother's more reserved nature. It wasn't so much an inhibition as -well, we just don't talk about such things. 

The art is quick and loose. The star here, if there is one, is the facial expression. The eagerness in the first panel, the dreamy look in the second, surprise in the third, and sarcasm in the last. As the strip goes, Mother's expression gets subtly and progressively annoyed.

The background is nonexistent. If the reader looks back at similar pages from earlier in the narrative, this is consistent. Yes, cartoony work (whatever that nebulous terms means) can have more developed backgrounds, as in the case of the classic Sugar & Spike. But that's not what we're after here.

My only concern with this and similar pages is that it might be too much of a tonal jump. But after heavy dramatic moments, I'm ready to take a breath, and I hope my readers share the sentiment.

Simple tools this time:

• Printer paper
• T-Square, triangle, straightedge
• 3B lead and lead holder
• Tech pens: ,6, .8, 1.0
• Ballpoint pen
• Magic rub eraser

Scott McCloud was right. The only tools you need to make comics are a piece of paper and a pen.

Next: Mother is there for The Big Day.

Original Art Sundays No. 369: Sharp Invitations: Esther's Hands, p. 11

 Once more, here we go! Some delays due to personal issues, now mostly resolved.

When we left, our heroine (me) was on a phone call to Mother, talking about coming out.

Read on.

Sigh.

The text of the letter was a challenge. I don't have the original letter any more, but it resonated with me. I tried to simulate Mother's handwriting, which was illegible to anyone but family. I will include the text in a supplement in the finished book, but here it is.

"Grandma put in a good garden this year- Should be a lot of green beans- and of course wild pie plant for when you come up-

I've been thinking a lot about you - what you're doing seems right- but be careful- sometimes the relief of making a big decision can be confused with it being the right decision

Just something to think about-

Read the most fascinating book about Ghengis Khan"

Mother didn't use periods. Everything was dashes. I debated typesetting this, but reproducing her handwriting seemed more - well, proper. 

In narrative and in design terms, this page advances the story well, but the content is static. I toyed with a couple ideas for the first panel. I wanted to convey that we were still in the same phone call without using the same visual devices. I reused the poses from the previous page and just changed the positions and expressions slightly.  I thought the split and reverse of heavy blacks worked well. And I liked the wavy line!

Panel two: I wanted an emotional moment without a close up. Too many close ups lately! The 3/4 shot of me and Mother embracing shows emotion, and shows me out of "boy cosplay" in front of family for the first time. The action lines give it a little weight. Panel 3, the letter, was a strategic narrative choice. It brought the page to a satisfying conclusion, and said something about Mother's thought processes.

Tools used on this page:

• Papers: tracing paper, various sketchbooks, Canson Bristol board
  
• Pencils: Lyra 2B graphite stick, 4B lead and holder, 2B Ticonderoga classic, tech pencil and 4B lead
  
• Erasers: kneadable, vinyl eraser, Click eraser
• Hand Tools: 6" and 14" straightedge, triangle, T-square, French curves
• Inking tools: Dr.Martin's Black Magic ink, nib and holder, Princeton Deerfoot 1/4" mini detailer brush (can't get enough of this brush!), Kingart 8 Gold Synthetic
  
• Markers: Micron 0.25, 0.5, 0.6, 0.8, and Copic 0.25, Copic Brush and Micron small brush
  
• And of course, Photoshop

 Next: Mother gets irritated.

Original Art Sundays No. 368: Sharp Invitations: Esther's Hands, p.10

 Time for the next page!

When we left, our heroine (me) was about to have The Talk with Mother.

Read on...

Well, isn't that the way we all hope it goes? Genuine unconditional acceptance.

To unpack (so to speak) the contents of this page: Coming out to family is one of the scariest things a trans person can do. Though I waited to (ostensible) adulthood and was at no risk of being expelled from my home, as happens to many of us, there's always the risk of losing family. I was lucky. I managed to hold onto much of my family. 

It's always a bit disturbing to draw my old self - "cosplaying male," as someone dear to me says. At this point, I'm beginning to transition, so it's not as unnerving. But it's part of the story and it needs to be told, so that's that.

These moments are so spartan that backgrounds disappear. I considered doing loose pencil backgrounds to give a sense of space, but elected to go sparse instead. This must be the 20th time I've drawn people on the phone, and the hands always give me fits! The thing to remember is that the hand is planar. The bulk of the palm is a big wedge. When you're holding something phone-ish, that plane follows that shape. I got a little carried away with inks on the last panel. That depth shadow on the cheek doesn't read quite right, but I can live with it. Might add it to the list- go back and change later. There were some artifact castes in the image capture- again with the gray tones from the paper! I chose to leave them in on that last panel.

The large black area in panel one is another approach to the challenge of drawing a phone call. I want to imply distance without overusing the old saw of the dividing phone cord- same problem as last week. This solution is new to me. While it gives the panel, and the page, good weight, I don't think it's a visual device I'll be using often. I do like what I've come to call the "Terry Moore arc"- an arc over two panels with a solid area or a texture. He has fallen away from it as a default device, but he used it reguarly in early Strangers in Paradise issues.

I chose to leave in some of the pencil lines. I like the rougher textures sometimes.

I enjoyed scumbling with a bit of dry brush on the hair. I find that technique shows up more and more in my work. I continually sense a potential breakthrough in my work. I'm most happy with my work when it's most flowing and fluid. If I could just have a breakthrough moment! Closer, closer...

Tool list:

• Papers: tracing paper, various sketchbooks, Canson Bristol board
  
• Pencils: Lyra 2B graphite stick, 4B lead and holder, 2B Ticonderoga classic, tech pencil and 4B lead
  
• Erasers: kneadable, vinyl eraser, Click eraser
• Hand Tools: 6" and 14" straightedge, triangle, T-square, French curves
• Inking tools: Dr.Martin's Black Magic ink, nib and holder, Princeton Deerfoot 1/4" mini detailer brush (love this brush!), Escoda Kolinsky no. 4 brush, Alpine Series 7 Onyx .000
  
• Markers: Micron 0.25, 0.5, 0.8, and Copic 0.25, Copic Brush and Micron small brush
  
• And of course, Photoshop

Next: support and a caution.
 

Original Art Sundays No. 367: Sharp Invitations: Esther's Hands, p. 9

 Here we go with the next page.

When we left our adventure, our heroine (me) had just been introduced to- indoctrinated in?- Tolkein.

Read on.

Lots to unpack on this seemingly simple page. In the first panel, there's a quiet family moment. The younger brother reading the comic, a youthful me with a Beatles haircut reading a teen magazine, sporting the disaffected demeanor of a 14 year old. It felt light, so I added textures to the couch and a holding line to define the corner of the room. One of my Beta readers pointed out that the line also establishes division between me and the rest of the visible family.

The second panel went through several revisions. I had settled on a tight close up of Mother's eyes while she read, but I went with a profile shot of her instead. The scope of a stack of books and a random texture for a background got the message across more clearly. The randomness of the stack foreshadows later events in Mother's life. In a caption, I was able to allude to the passing of years with just a few words. This is an old comic artist's trick. How do you draw an army of 10,000 advancing soldiers? You draw two generals talking. One of them points off panel and says, "Look, here comes an army of 10,000 advancing soldiers!" Of course, if you're Al Williamson or Wally Wood, you just draw the furshlugginer army, to quote Harvey Kurtzman (yay, early MAD!). Yeah, I know it's a Yiddish word that he appropriated and that's not quite the right meaning. I'm okay with that. Hey, if it's good enough for Harvey....

The skipped years will show up in the next chapter, the one on my Father.

The final panel is subdivided. I was looking for a better way to convey an old school phone call. I like the visual device of a phone cord as a panel divider, but I've used it so many times, going back to the Tranny Towers strips (I haven't forgotten about my mad scheme to get those ancient scrolls back into print. Soon, my pretties....).  The device of isolating each speaker within a larger panel seemed to serve. I toyed with the idea of adding weight through a background texture in the white space between the circles, but it proved distracting in tissue overlays, so I again concluded that less is more. Another possibility considered and rejected: dropping the holding border. I also thought about doing a little arrow text box to call out the early 80s perm I briefly sported, but it seemed distracting and redundant. The perm also foreshadows my first tentative steps to being more publicly femme.Technical considerations: the shape and position of word balloons was embarrassingly bad. I was able to move things around in Photoshop with relative ease.

All told, a simple quiet page that advances the story. 

Tool list:

• Papers: tracing paper, various sketchbooks, Canson Bristol board
  
• Pencils: Lyra 2B graphite stick, 4B lead and holder, 2B Ticonderoga classic, tech pencil and 4B lead
  
• Erasers: kneadable, vinyl eraser, Click eraser
• Hand Tools: 6" and 14" straightedge, triangle, T-square, French curves
• Inking tools: Dr.Martin's Black Magic ink, nib and holder, Princeton Deerfoot 1/4" mini detailer brush (love this brush!), Escoda Kolinsky no. 4 brush, Richeson Kolinsky  no. 2 brush
• Markers: Micron 0.25, 0.6, 0.8, 1.0 and Copic 0.25
• And of course, Photoshop

Next page: come out, come out....
 

Original Art Sundays No. 361: Sharp Invitiations: Esther's Hands, p. 3

 Here we go with the next page of Mother's story.

This is another text heavy page. There's a need to communicate a lot of information in a short time to get to the part that's essential to this narrative.

While the whole family history is challenging and always full of surprises (as noted by my sisters in their genealogy research), I want to keep this about the prime foci of this book: class issues, trans issues and domestic abuse survival. To tell that story (my story), I must leave out a lot of peripheral matters, no matter how interesting they are. Distill the story to essentials.

There's also the issue of ethics. I talked this chapter over with my sister, who is very private. I will only include the names of siblings and other relatives when absolutely essential to the story. 

Art notes: I could have just used photos again here, but I wanted to spend some time hand rendering from reference. The bar scene is obviously pure speculation, since I only know in very general terms when Dad and Audrey met, and not under what specific circumstances. I debated giving her a pseudonym, but since their subsequent marriage is a matter of public record, I didn't see any point. More about her in the next chapter, the one on Dad. The point here is to quickly establish the foundation for my relationship with my Mother as it pertains to the issues in this book.

Art and process: the old school photo border on the top image isn't part of the original photo, but I think it serves the theme of the page. For the second image, I just hunted up 1950s images of officers' clubs and cocktail parties, and put together something plausible. Basic tools on this page, with almost all the lettering done in Photoshop. I went to an old device for the border on the second panel- hard rule in pencil and freehand the inked border. I haven't used that device a lot in this book, but it works here.

Next: Mother's story meets another story.

Original Art Sundays no. 358: Sharp Invitations: Esther's Hands, pp. 1 and 2

 Into the next chapter!

This will be a bit faster and less emotionally charged than the Curt chapter. Planned and drafted at 10 pages, probably come in around 20. This chapter deals with my relationship with my mother, and with how she handled my transition.

This chapter comes before the chapters on work, surgery and Curt in the final book.

Very open layout on these. I plan to use her style in drawing this as much as possible. Since her style and mine are similar anyway, this shouldn't be a challenge. These pages are necessary background. I toyed with just doing the first panel, the horseback shot, in pencil, and finally decided to leave the soft background in pencil and do minimal erasing. The wedding party photo is not my work, of course, but it does belong here. I considered re-drawing it, and opted for straight photography instead. Both schools of thought are valid. In Fun Home, Alison Bechdel renders photographs, but The Magical Tack of Long Tack Sam uses photos, objects, collages.... it's a memoir. Go with what works.

Pretty much the standard tool list on these, a bit heavy on the Photoshop. I did use a new #1 brush on that first panel. 

Next: marriage to a serviceman, kids, complications....

Original Art Sundays No. 357: Sharp Invitations: Curt, final pages

 Hi again.

Took an extra week to complete these pages. I hope you'll find the wait worthwhile!

When we left Diana and Jenny, they (we) were motoring back from Curt's trial in Madison. Please join us for the aftermath.

 

That concludes this chapter. 

It was such a humbling experience to have the people who survived all this with me, the women who put up with this nonsense, beside me at its culmination. Like Pete Townshend said in Somebody Saved Me, all I know is I've been making it- there have been times I didn't deserve to. I really don't know if I believe in ritual power or not. But whether we were invoking outside forces or giving me a healing moment of catharsis, it worked. And I'm sure his dying shortly after the ritual, 250 miles away and unknown to me for 10 years, was coincidence. Really, pure coincidence. You can't prove a thing. You got nothing on me, coppers!

I'm tempted to include a section on repercussions, to talk about how these effects scarred me in unexpected ways over the years. But I have other things to say before the book is done, and some of that will present itself in the coda.

My original outline, based on the ten chapters in my 64 page draft edition, was to deal with this as a small part of my life. This chapter comprised 10 pages of the outline. Turns out I had more to say about it than about some other parts. Ultimately, the book is about three things: trans stuff, class issues (to a small degree), and surviving in general, with surviving abuse as a specific aspect of that.  One of the original ten chapters is gone. It's a good story, but not for this book. The remaining chapters will cover my mother (6 - 10 pages), my father (about the same), sex and sexuality coupled with gender concerns (another 12 pages as now planned), and the coda, which ran 12 pages in a recent rewrite. About 50 pages, give or take.

Then it's done, aside from edits (assuming I get a publisher).

My big concern about the book is that it not be too grim, sad, or unrelenting. I've known plenty of joy along the way, and I want that to come across too.

Art notes: 

Getting a handle on these pages was a challenge, the second page more than the first. These are fairly static, minimal action pages. On the ritual page, there was one big action that served as the focal point. I'm not a big fan of sound effects in my work. I played with adding something here, but it didn't really gel. Technique is pretty straightforward on these, with minimal Photoshop corrections. I'm developing my own set of tools as the work evolves: sparse backgrounds, use of gray value from pencil to weight the visuals of more airy pages and panels, and a deliberate sense of framing. That last drawn panel on the second page turned out okay- everyone sitting around the table celebrating quietly. The final page is lifted verbatim from the draft edition. What can I say? Sometimes it's right the first time. I just took a traditional 35mm photograph from back in the day, scanned it and added text.

The tools used here are much the same as on the previous posted pages, so no updates necessary. I did get a porcelain escargot dish to use for inking, based on the recommendation of Terry Moore, and it's pretty cool.

Next: the chapter on Mother begins. I will need to find a better title for that one! In the draft the title was Esther and Gandalf, and I don't care for that at all now!

Original Art Sundays No. 309: Sharp Invitations: Curt, pp. 49 (rework) and 50

 Back at it, folks!

I corrected the first panel of the last page and am reposting the page to start, followed by the next page. I am very close to completion of the following page, but not quite there. Here are pages 49 and 50.

In the current narrative, we're talking about rebuilding a life. These pages continue that theme.

Not much new to say about the first page after last week's discussion. This is mainly a correction, after all. That first panel is an improvement over last week's posting, using a more direct angle and a tighter shot (and better drawing). Keep it simple! Just rendered on a different piece of Bristol and patched it in with Photoshop. My facial expression in he new version of Panel One is what I was hoping to convey- just barely holding on, but trying to smile anyway.

Page 50 of this chapter is most of what I'm saying about Jennifer in this book. Our relationship had its challenges, as they all do, but she's living her own life now and I want to respect her privacy. We saw each other through some rough times, and I am grateful to her. She had such intense joy! Jenny was also trans, which will be discussed a bit in a future page. After I wrote this page, I realized that I had lifted the last line from my man Micheal Nesmith. But the sentiment was so right, I decided to let it go. I drew the portrait of us on Coquille board instead of Bristol, using classic pen and ink with China marker (AKA grease pencil). The stuff is really pricey, but I love the look and would like to use it more often! I became attached to it in the 90s when I found out you could get a halftone from it without a stat camera. I do so love old school production art. For this page, I wanted a simple border, vaguely reminiscent of Art Noveau, around the illustration, and floating text above and beneath. It's been a while since I did a decorative border, and it felt nice to flex that particular muscle again. I was, in my small way, emulating the master of the Noveau border in comics, Terry Moore. But it needed to be fairly simple, so I opted for just some nice flowing overlapping curves. The border and text were done on a separate sheet of Canson Bristol board and merged in Photoshop.

I keep saying I'm almost done with this chapter. Yet on it goes. Much like what Alan Moore said about his groundbreaking run on Miracleman, it was a simple idea, but it grew in the telling. The bulk of it is complete. There are three significant events yet to document, and an afterword. Then a brief chapter on each of my parents and a final word. I'm so charged to do the work right now. I'm trying new techniques, revisiting old ones, and embracing the work. If I can manage two pages a week, the bulk of the book could be complete by year end. That's a realistic goal, I think. Of course, I also plan to do Inktober again this year... possibly more Coquille pieces... and I need to grade and teach and... 

Yet the book gets done. I will have faith, and welcome you to do the same.

Next: Things are finally going well for our heroine, and that's unlikely to change, right? Right? Well....

Original Art Sundays No. 308: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p. 49

 Running a little late tonight! Friday's opening celebration of the MCAD Faculty Biennial was a wonder. So grateful to have my work seen and liked. It's also liberating to present work about trans issues and abuse survival to my colleagues and students. In retrospect, I probably should have combed my hair before the photo was taken!

Now on to this week's page. 

Two weeks ago: homeless shelter and a bus to Minneapolis. Last week: reflection and self-recrimination. What happens next?

Narrative notes: This is necessary but tedious. The process of normalizing a life, crucial as it is, involves stuff that doesn't make for great drama. I've condensed almost half a year's events into this page rather than bog the story down in minutia. I assumed that most people know what a PCA is, so didn't explain in detail. The exchange in the last panel was actually between me and Sara, but I used it as a vehicle to convey that I was back in therapy. That particular therapist was what I needed at the time, but in the long run not a good fit.

Visual notes: That first panel is so clunky! I had a much better idea for it after it was done and scanned, and I will re-post the page with the proper panel in place next week, along with a new page. The rest of the page works okay. It's not a spectacular page, but it serves the story, which is the most important thing. The last panel seems strongest, with solid environments, good character interaction and the interesting little panel border violation.

What happens next? Well, let's just say he's not quite out of the story yet...

Original Art Sundays No 307: Sharp Invitiations: Curt, p. 48

 Time, time, time, see what's become of me...

Sorry, in a bit of a Simon & Garfunkel mood. I do love that song.

We're on the overnight bus in a bitter winter, contemplating and regretting.

Went through some real changes on this one. Originally it was going to be a "putting your life back together" page, but that seemed a bit abrupt. We need a moment to consider everything that's happened before moving on. I suddenly remembered that Francine painting in Vol. 3 book 6, the one where she's quasi-fetal, holding her foot and looking ruefully to the side. I started off trying to copy that, then made the pose my own. I liked the idea of a contained nude pose, all lost and vulnerable. My initial concept was to do ink wash over the figure, progressively darker as we go down, with rough torn edges between gradations. Then I thought about masking the figure and using ink wash through rough burlap. Both ideas have merit, but not for this page. Besides, my frisket seems to have dried up.

As I drew the figure, the concept of a flashback collage came to me. So it was back to the old files and Photoshop to the rescue! Yay, layers and masks!

No need for an equipment list this week.

One of the questions I'm asked often by people who read this work is the obvious one: why did I stay around? There's no simple answer, and it's a question I continue to ask myself. I suspect that any abuse survivor has a similar internal dialogue. I don't know if it's easier or harder being trans when it comes to abuse. I suspect abuse is abuse. Trans is just one more thing they can use against you in that context.

On a more positive note, the MCAD Faculty Biennial has its official opening this Friday! There are 14 pages from this work in the show, along with a banner created for the show. I hope to see many friends there. So much great art to celebrate....

Next: TCB.

Original Art Sundays: Sharp Invitations: Curt, pp. 46 & 47

 Once more....

Two pages this week, but one is a recap. The astute reader will recall that the previous chapter ended with a preview of this chapter, me getting on a bus. We're at that point in the story, so let's jump in.

When we left our heroine, she was being taken to a homeless shelter.

Read on.

Story notes: That was one lonely, scary night! I was treated well- actually, largely ignored, which under the circumstances, was fine with me. A little artistic license on the collapse in the shower. It did happen, but not so dramatically as all that. I hadn't mentioned the short job I was fired from at this time until now. I hope that doesn't cause confusion in the reader, but aside from getting that last paycheck, it really has nothing to do with the core story. Really, there's so much tedium involved in tearing your life apart that the details seem so unnecessary after the fact.The worker at the shelter was very decent, even setting me up with toiletries when I got there. I disclosed my trans status so it didn't create more problems, and was treated decently.

Art notes: Very light blacks this week. There were a couple places where I considered adding more value, but I was unhappy with my experiments with it. Keep it simple and clean. Almost no brush on this page. Lots of nib work, and a bit of Copic brush marker, along with the usual assortment of Microns.In light of that, I shan't post an equipment list this week.

Shan't. That shows class.

I really like the second panel. That's a case where I played with adding tone to the tiles, as I've done in the past, but decided to keep it simple.

Wow, I've been drawing a lot of bathrooms lately!

The second page is a recap, with just the caption text changed. I considered changing the thought balloon, but hey, if that's what the character thought in the flash forward, that's what she's thinking now. Just a bit of Photoshop on this one for the text and we're good to go.

Side note: I was prepping for my fall teaching load, and I had a chance to preview my work hanging in the MCAD Biennial show. I'm very happy with it. I chose what I think are some of my strongest pages, and the display is very effective. The show will be open before then (it may be now), but the opening ceremony is Friday, September 9. I would be happy to see friendly faces there to share my work. Other MCAD comic creators will also be represented, including Zak Sally, Blue Dellaquanti and Barb Schulz. Delighted to be in such distinguished company!

Next: back to Minneapolis, as we near the completion of this chapter. In the original draft manuscript, this chapter was eleven pages. Looks like the final version will be 60 - 70 pages, almost a book on its own.

Guess I had a little more to say than I thought I did.

Original Art Sundays no. 305: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p.45

 Once more into the breach, dear friends. When we left our intrepid couple, Curt had made his intentions clear. Read on.

First, we discuss the story.

Events unfolded in this way, but there was a 24 hour gap between him telling me to go and my exit. We had out of town company the next day, quite awkward. I do wish I'd put on the other pants! The cop is modeled on a Madison cop who used to work security for Rocky Horror when I was running the Majestic in Madison. Really nice guy. We had long talks about Stephen King. Last time I saw him was after I transitioned and he was still decent to me, something I haven't always experienced from law enforcement. I remember him fondly. I wish all cops were as respectful to trans people as he was to me.

Art notes: I went a bit overboard on the first panel, with a wild pose inspired partially by the Bob Clampett classic The Great Piggy Bank Robbery. I do enjoy that loose style, but it doesn't always serve the story. One of my occasional beta readers suggested that the left (back) arm could swing out a little more. I followed that suggestion and it worked. 

The rest of the page is pretty procedural. It was a lonely, scared night and I wanted to show that without saying it outright. Given where I went, it was fairly easy. 24 hour groceries have mind numbingly even lighting. It's very disconcerting. For the last 5 panels, my goal was to include sufficient detail to communicate and no more. The characters inside the police car are a visual idea I want to work on more - characters seen inside the environment, as opposed to placed atop it or in front of it. Characters behind desks, seen through foliage, wandering through ruins with large bent metal in front of them- you get the idea. It encourages deeper involvement in the story. Some of the lines in the last panel dropped out a bit. I'll push it more in Photoshop, as is my way.

Same equipment list as last week, so I won't repeat it. There is the notable inclusion of a couple new tools: a Copic small brush marker and a Deerfoot 1/4 Mini Detailer brush. It's an angled tip, very chunky, and gives a delightful scumbling line. Very thick handle, feels good to hold. I suspect it will get a lot of use as a dry brush tool. You can see some of it in the "light lines" around the lightpost in panel 3. 

Next week: the shelter.

Original Art Sundays No. 299: Sharp Invitations: Curt, p. 38

 Another page into the fray.

I was originally doing a second page for this week, as a bridge to next week's action, but I did a very similar page to the one planned earlier in the story (the page about him dating me because, as  trans woman, I couldn't get pregnant), so decided to forego.

 

 

 I do like doing these quick gag strips on occasion. They're a nice break. So fast and loose! They're freeing, and a good way to advance the story by small anecdote. Aside from light cleanup in Photoshop, this is pretty much the original. At one point, I considered doing the whole book this way. I shied away from it because that's the not the kind of work I like doing most of the time, and because Sophie LaBelle already does it so deftly over at Assigned Male Comics!

The astute reader will recall that Curt prided himself on being logical. The incongruity in his opinions on this was a shocker and a bit of a road into his mindset. Also, I love musicals, so this hit me in the gut.

We're entering a period of relative calm before the final storm, so something lighter is called for.

Very simple tools this week.

• Printer paper
• 3B Cumberland Derwent pencil, tech pencil
• Ames lettering guide
• Staedler Mars plastic eraser
• Ballpoint pen
• Photoshop
  
• Scan done with IPhone 12

That's it! 

Next: the calm ends, the storm starts.

Original Art Sundays No. 298: Sharp Invitations: Curt, pp. 36 and 37

 Hello again!

Two pages this week instead of one! I was having fun with it and decided to push a bit. 

This is my response to Curt's reaction to my attempt to slit my wrists.

Well, out of the fire and into surrender! Really, I tried running away, I tried escaping into death (however halfheartedly). The only thing left to try was surrender. Plus, part of me always wanted to be the little housewife. I don't think it's every trans woman's dream, but it was one of mine. However, I myopically believed I wouldn't have to surrender my autonomy to fulfill it.

Also, as anyone who's been involved in domestic abuse will tell you, it's a labyrinth, a tangled mess of conflation and subversion. It's jarring to live through, but excessive detail on such things makes for a convoluted and uninteresting story. Better to condense and summarize.

Soliloquy and paper dolls seemed a good way to sum up this turn of events. This story is a bit heavy, and an occasional respite is called for. Plus- paper dolls, what fun! I've done paper dolls of most of my other characters, so why not me? In my research, I discovered that the Cleavers' home town of Mayfield isn't in a specific state, hence the USA locale. All the costumes are period, evoking the 1960s housewife cliche, except the Omaha lingerie, which is there in homage to sensei Reed Waller. They're also all things I really enjoy.

Layout is pretty direct on these. I've done soliloquy pages earlier in this story, and followed the same pattern of reversal/reversal. I love the high five in the last panel on that page. 

Tools for these two pages:

• Canson Bristol Board, tracing paper
  
• Pencils: Tech pencil, 2B Ticonderoga, 3B and 6B Cumberland Derwent, 4B Graphite stick
• Holder & Nib, ballpoint pen
• Triangle, straightedge, T-square
  
• Dr. Martin's Black Star Matte ink
• Brushes: Blick #6 Synthetic Round, Escoda Kolinsky Sable Flat #4. Tight Spot for corrections
• Microns: .03, .05, .08, Brush Tip
• FW Artist's Acrylic White
• Photoshop

Next: Domestic tranquility moments, the calm before the final storm.

Original Art Sundays No. 297: Curt, p. 35

 Once more into the breach, dear friends.

When we left our heroine (me), the half-assed suicide attempt was truncated by a neighbor's phone ringing. Before I could clean up, Curt came home. How will he react to the woman he claims to love attempting such a thing?

Well, there you have it. As was noted by one of my Beta readers, knives are intended for cutting meat, so his asinine wrath was also factually inaccurate. This is what happened, but I condensed events slightly for narrative flow. But even with the danger implicit in living in this situation, it starts to seem absurd at some point. Abusers often pride themselves on reason, but are often irrational in their micromanagement and rage. The challenge is to navigate their anger and feed into their egos.

Again, no overt trans content on this page, other than it being a trans woman's story.

Technical notes: The layout is pretty direct and flows well. I particularly like the tight shots of Curt's eyes framing his gaze down the cut arm to the bloody knife. At one point, I had divided that long panel in thirds, but it seemed more of a distraction than a dramatic effect. I hand-rendered the text, but reworked it in Photoshop. Lower energy, but it reads better. A sense of place is crucial to this page. Perspective is key on the first panel. I seldom do such detailed work on environments, but this is a time where it's necessary to ground the space. Looking at it now, the page still needs a couple minor corrections, but it's 95% there.

The gray values on the ceiling in Panel 1 are a simple gradient.

Instead of scanning, I tried a photo with my iPhone 12. I'm not 100% happy with this method. Too much work in post to get the levels right. If my other option, using the document capture in Notes, yields similar results, I'll just go back to scanning. 

I used my favorite scumbling brush with masking tape on panel 3 (the arm). Don't you love simple production tricks? I got this fascinating sort of dry brush smear by accident on my drawing board, and it's inspired me for a page down the line. A pen nib and a brush marker died creating this page. We will now observe a moment of silence.

Tools:

• Canson Bristol Board
• Pencils: Ticonderoga 2B, Paster Classics 6B, 4B graphite stick
• Erasers: Staedtler Mars Plastic, kneadable eraser, erasing guide
  
• Brushes: Blick #2 synthetic Masterstroke, Blick #6 Synthetic round
• Pen nib and holder
• Microns: .005, .02, .05, .08, 1.0 and brush
• Photoshop

Next: survival strategies.